A video has recently surfaced on youtube of a girl scout ranting about how the Girl Scouts are an inclusive, unfair organization and she’s urging a boycott (way to avoid gender-centric terms!) of their cookies. It seems that the Girl Scouts don’t allow transgender children into their organization and while they also don’t support homosexuality or atheism, and have a bunch more intolerant beliefs (probably?), let me be crystal clear about this: There aren’t enough Mac trucks to haul the shits I don’t give about the Girl Scout’s fucking politics. Thin Mints could be made by slave labor and I’d still get six boxes. Tagalongs? If every cent I paid for them went to enriching uranium in Iran I wouldn’t care. And if I knew for a fact that someone, somewhere, beat a baby panda bear to death with a sack full of Persian kittens each time I ate a Samoa it wouldn’t slow my consumption a bit.
Someone needs to tell this chick that as we get older our dreams start dying off and that by the time you hit thirty there’s only like four things to look forward to every year: vacation, the Super Bowl, Shamrock Shakes, and GIRL SCOUT COOKIES. Asking us to give up even one is just too much. She’s facing an uphill battle that would give Sisyphus pause. And if you think I’m wrong here’s an experiment to try: Get dressed up as a Nazi, go to your local Synagogue this Saturday morning and start selling Girl Scout cookies. The only problem you’ll have is that you didn’t bring enough boxes.